Divorce & Remarriage In the Church Part 1

This is the subject of a paper I’m writing for my ethics course. Yes, it will be a challenging topic, no less so since I am obviously, in one way or another, personally affected by the subject matter, which really serves as the reason for its selection as my topic.

To date I don’t have an official position on the issue, yet in conversation or in my own personal reflection I’ve held to certain ideas or concepts which led me to one particular position. I do hope, however, to use this paper as an opportunity to study the matter in depth and perhaps come to a biblically-sustainable position.

Part of my motivation for selecting this topic too rests in my experience that most churches are without a theology of marriage that extends beyond the simplistic definition of marriage as exclusively heterosexual. While I agree with this partial definition of marriage’s design, more needs to be said regarding its purpose, significance, and end (goal, purpose). Churches must consider these very important aspects of marriage if they are to teach the whole counsel of God regarding its purpose and role in life. Only with this understanding can a church express and pass on the significance of the marriage union to couples seeking marriage. On this foundation only can couples truly see the hideous effects of divorce. We must come to recognize the high view of marriage Jesus expressed on multiple occasions in Matthew. We must see as central to the marriage union the act and pledge of willful commitment to the other, in addition to the qualities of faithfulness, forgiveness and union.

So, what is the general consensus regarding divorce among believers? What about mixed marriages (believer and non-believer)? When is divorce permissible (note this term)? If a seemingly justified divorce occurs, is either partner free to remarry? If the life of the Christian is to be marked by faithfulness and forgiveness (sharing of God’s communicable attributes), what implications does that have for the believing partner’s pursuit of another spouse? If some kind of marital infidelity occurs, is the original marriage bond broken?

Many of my presumptions were called into question as I read some poignant resources on this topic. I am glad for that. I realized as I read that much of what I called my exegetically-sound position was untenable at worst, and under-studied at best. My interaction with brothers and sisters in Christ reveals an unfortunate, disappointing, and sometimes upsetting conclusion. Our views of marriage are not so much informed by scripture as much as they are by pop culture or, simply, the world’s way of thinking. Marriage is often seen as chiefly a matter of self-fulfillment or romance. Love, the kind between a man and a woman, receives a certain segmentation in the broader definition that may not be valid. While I acknowledge that the relationship between a husband and wife is unique, this need not necessarily lead to the false conclusion that love is exclusively an act of the emotions. Time and time again scripture paints a different picture. The swaths of God’s strokes through his word paint love, his perfectly love especially, as an act of the will, of one’s inclinations. As such it can be seen as unconditional.

Of course, there is more to it than that. Love, I am willing to admit, involves our emotions but it does not start or end there. If it did, love would be fickle; as such it would not be love. I believe this topic is largely ignored by most believers. We have been preached to and have regularly heard the traditional position – divorce is permitted for adultery and desertion, and thus includes the believers right to remarry, and we have all generally agreed with this position. But how many of us have questioned these notions in light of what scripture really says? Is the traditional position biblical? Does the traditional position address the nature of the marital union and what happens to it in the face of infidelity? To whom are the relevant passages addressed in scripture? To whom do these words apply? What is the ideal for which Jesus would have us strive? If the traditional position is to be scrapped in order for Christians to have a sound theology of marriage, divorce and remarriage, what implications will this have in the area of church responsibility toward those hurt by the affects of divorce?

I don’t know who actually reads this blog, but I’d be interested in starting a conversation (not like Rob Bell where only questions are acceptable but no answers) and listening to the thoughts of others. I only ask that, as I’ve tried to keep the content of this post impersonal, that any conversation here remain the same.

I plan on continuing a series of posts on this topic as I continue research for my paper.